Thursday, September 04, 2008

Tonight, I call upon all Americans...

...To get the hell off my lawn!

Liveblogging Senator McCain's big speech.

Blue screen! When they replay clips of this speech, he'll be on the battlefield of Gettysburg.

Crikey. He even says "Warshington." He probably sits on a "davenport." Senator, do you now or have you ever owned a davenport?

Camera found a black person!

He said "latina." I don't know why that's funny, but it is.

He said "culture of life" really slowly, like the secret code phrase that it is, while looking right at the camera. YES I AM ON YOUR SIDE YOU CRAZY JESUS NUTS. LEAVE ME ALONE.

Obama will raise your taxes. Because he's black.

Scary socialized medicine. Not convincing. He just can't do red meat; he just doesn't care enough. Crowd liked it okay.

Camera found a latino dude!

Obama "wishing away" the global economy? Huh. Why?

Boring clintonian worker retraining stuff.

"Education will be the civil right of this century." Not a bad line, but I don't think we're done getting all the other civil rights yet.

School choice. More demagoguery. But unexceptional.

"Obama" "bureaucrats" "unions" in the same sentence.

Biggest cheer yet--stop sending money to countries that don't like us! What's he even talking about? Foreign aid? A miniscule part of our budget? But nothing gets angry white people more riled up.

Drill! Everybody drill! Even bigger cheers. These people are parodying themselves. Make a joke about Hillary Clinton, John! They'll eat it up!

He will develop "electric horseless carriages."

"Reassembling the Russian Empire." Ooooooooooh. But apparently "our prayers" can help.

Seems a bit defensive. "I know how the world works. I am not afraid. I can handle it." Weird, hectoring tone.

"I hate war." Aw, don't lie, dude. You hate being in wars, everybody does. But planning wars is awesome--and you don't got to pretend for this crowd; they're with you.

Here's the line about the scars that everybody was talking about. They love it. Ecce homo.

"Let's try sharing." Wow. Also in favor of caring and good manners.

"Imperfect servant." Nice, actually. Still pretty messianic, but it works here.

Vietnam. Vietnam. Blah blah blah. "Hadn't any worry that morning." Sure.

Wow. John McCain was in Vietnam? That sounds like it was pretty horrible. What decade was that again?

Oh, it really was a good story the first thousand times. There's no way to say that that wasn't the Real Thing. (Unless he's been lying all along.) But it just doesn't have anything do with the job he wants. There are all different kinds of Character.

Let's see if he tells the lying "cross in the dirt" story. Probably not. People called shenanigans on that one.

"Learned to love this country when I was a prisoner in someone else's." Good line. But has he ever really internalized, or publicly acknowledged the fact that it was, in fact, someone else's country? That even though he did his duty, and did it honorably, anyone looking honestly can now see that he never should have been there at all? Not to my knowledge.

Somebody had a sign with "maverick" spelled wrong. Love the GOP. Love 'em!

Stop saying "fight!" I thought you hated war!

Stand up, you pathetic sons of bitches! Pull yourselves together. We never quit! He needs to grab a weak-looking guy in the front row and slap him silly.

That's enough for me, I think. Really didn't seem all that great, especially by comparison with his opponent's big moment. But who knows how it'll play with the Mysterious Undecided Voters. I just really hope that some of them couldn't help giggling when he did his weird jerky arm gestures.

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