Thursday, May 17, 2007

The Missing

Hey, everybody. Been gone a month. Got married. The Departed was overrated.

Oh, don’t act so surprised. I’ve lived with her for seven years, and Scorsese clearly only got the Oscar out of pity. Sure, Raging Bull wasn’t “Best Picture,” and neither was Goodfellas, but if you get all your A-list friends together and make a big ol’ blood-soaked ball of silliness, Academy-love will follow. Every time.

That movie was okay, don’t get me wrong. It’s high time we all realized that Mark Wahlberg is a comic genius. Few people know this. I’m not sure that Mark Wahlberg himself does. But in the right hands, he’s a force to be reckoned with. Did you see I Heart Huckabees? Yeah, nobody much did, but ol’ Marky-Mark is a terrifyingly hilarious force of nature in that movie—the sort of person you should avoid at all costs. And in The Departed, he almost steals the show with a) his sincere, undying hatred of Matt Damon’s character, and b) his terrible haircut. Good stuff.

And if you’re reading this, you know where to send gifts. Not that I encourage that sort of thing.

5 comments:

david james keaton said...

all married 'n shit. wow. i remember when you brought her to that Thackeray's party like 10 years ago and she thought i looked like Tim Robbins. people that know me are right now wondering if we've ever met. congrats on the legal benefits of your union!

and YES, i agree Deparated was overrated (and all the phone crap was so lame) but Scorcese deserved to be thrown that bone after Goodfellas lost to fucking Dances with Wolves (gee, notice how a little time has only been kind to one of those movies?) and i remember Goodfellas losing that Oscar like it was yesterday. scratch that. i remember it like it was yesterday if yesterday someone stole my bike.

speaking of overrated, Almost Famous is on TV here in the middle of the night and i got to say i haven't hated a movie this much since Empire Records. i don't even have the time to list all its crimes, but i will say the one good thing was now i finally understand what Nick was doing when, at the end of most nights, he would start howling
"Fever Da-a-a-a-wg!"
but it's SO stupid how the first line of a song called "Fever Dog" is "fever dog!" when they sing it in concert. can you think of a single song that has the title in the very first line? i can't. and you know they did that because they knew the audience would be as stupid as the people behind the movie and need their crap obvious. and don't get me started on the groupies who don't have sex and the lame, passionless rant about how Morrison and the Doors suck but the Guess Who is honest (?) Who? okay. must stop and turn this movie off and go back to sleep. every moment a cliche, every line a groaner. piece 'o shit.
hey! you get the new Black Rebel etc. etc. album yet? you'll like it. extra points if you figure out what the title means. i originally thought it was about the number of groupies they banged but they were taking a higher road.

p.s. i have a big problem with something in "Children of Men" but i'll save that for when i'm in Toledo in two weeks hanging from your chinup bar. i still think it's a great movie, but there's something about the main idea of the world's collapse that bugs me. more later. g'night you kooky domestic bastich.

Anonymous said...

At least that explains where you've been. Word of advice from one with experience - be wary not to let domesticity stifle creativity.

Matt said...

Now I'm going to be up all night trying to think of songs that have their titles in the first line. Damn it. Does "Happy Birthday" count?

Hey, anonymous, "domesticity" is just, like, the least of my worries, creatively speaking. You should see me try to write a paper. And who are you, anyway, if you're actually finding out about this on this blog? Confusing. (Not that I'm complaining. If you're actually reading this stuff, you can say whatever you want. I'm your new best friend.)

Anonymous said...

Who am I? How does one define identity? Wife, mother, public educator, reader (would-be writer). Maybe you were just looking for the linguistic fragment that others utter when making reference to me?

Yes, I really am reading this. If you need a sounding board for your papers, I'd gladly assist (I've certainly written enough myself). That's what friends do, whether new ones or old.

david james keaton said...

by the way, you ever see the movie "The Missing"? not a good western but one very alarming execution at the hands of indians. to the dude from "Company of Men" no less.